Self-Love: Easy as 1-2-3?

SELF-LOVEapalooza is a celebration of practical acts of self-love in the face of adversity that results in self-discovery, empowerment, or resilience. All performances and guest conversations are an answer to the following prompt. While the three steps of overcoming shame with love towards ourselves is oftentimes less easy to practice, the performances offer examples to inspire, encourage, and strengthen viewers wherever they are in their self-love journey.

PROMPT:

When facing… [adversity] … in my personal or professional life, I give to myself or practice toward myself…. [self-love]…  to overcome… [limiting beliefs about myself]… and shame.

Ask Yourself These Questions. What Would You Say?

  1. When you face setbacks or disappointments, what practices help you nurture a sense of self-love and acceptance?
  2. In moments of self-doubt or insecurity, what affirmations or habits do you turn to in order to remind yourself of your worth?
  3. How do you prioritize self-care when life gets overwhelming, and what specific actions do you take to show love to yourself during those times?
  4. When caught in the cycle of shame and blame, how do you show YOU love?
  5. How do you celebrate your achievements, big or small, as a way of reinforcing your self-love and appreciation?
  6. During periods of change or transition, how do you practice self-compassion and support your emotional well-being?
  7. In what ways do you create a positive environment for yourself – mentally, emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually – that fosters self-love and acceptance?

STEP ONE

ADVERSITY:

Adversity comes in all shapes and sizes. To determine how well you show yourself care and compassion when it counts the most, identify a significant challenge from your personal or professional life.

  1. Psychologically Unsafe Environments: Environments in which individuals do not feel safe being vulnerable, taking risks, speaking up, engaging with uncomfortable learning processes, or revealing their authentic selves
  2. Others’ Expectations: The perceived standards expressed, either implicitly or explicitly, about one’s expected performance
  3. Life Challenges: The ups and downs of life related to challenging interactions with others, trauma, and/or loss in work/career, relationships/marriage, learning/school, etc.

STEP TWO

LIMITING THOUGHTS OR INTERNAL BELIEFS:

In the absence of being and acting loving toward ourselves in the middle of a life storm, we can easily succumb to negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that ultimately ignite into shame. Which limiting beliefs are most prominent for you?

  1. Fixed Mindset: belief that one’s [intellectual, physical, etc.] abilities are limited and unchangeable
  2. Perfectionism: striving for flawlessness or excessively high standards; fixating on imperfections, trying to control situations, working hard, and/or being critical of one’s self or others
  3. Underrepresentation: feeling like the “only” or “other” due to demographic, socio-economic and background characteristics unique to an individual (education, race/ethnicity, gender identity, ability, specialty choices, faith/religion, etc.)
  4. Performance-based Self-Esteem: one’s self-worth is contingent upon his/her sense of accomplishment and perceived level of performance
  5. Imposter Syndrome: A belief of being less competent than others perceive, associated with chronic feelings of self-doubt and fear of being discovered as a fraud. ‘Am I good enough? What if someone figures me out? Why did she/he/they hire me, marry me, admit me to this university, etc.
  6. Comparisons to Others: self-evaluating based upon contrasting one’s own life with the “perceived” life of others 
  7. Fear of Judgment: concerns over being judged harshly by others, often coupled with efforts to maintain others’ impressions and perceptions
  8. Shifting Identity: changes in self-image and sources of self-worth that occur after entering and assimilating to a new environment, situation, or relationship
  9. Impaired Belonging: feeling isolated or a sense of not belonging in the learning environment

STEP THREE

SELF-LOVE FOR ALL:

These principles are derived from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. However, a belief in God, Christianity, or religion is not required to experience the transformative power of loving yourself well in and through the fallout of a bad decision, unhealthy choice, painful loss, or traumatic experience. Even professed atheists can love themselves with kind thoughts toward themselves. It’s that simple!.Which self-love principles do you practice well in a challenge or need to develop more of?

  1. Gratitude: appreciation, thankfulness for my own strengths, abilities, and possessions
  2. Humility: ask for and/or receive and accept help
  3. Trust: hold a firm belief in my character, ability, truth, calling, purpose, dreams, spiritual relationship with a Higher Power, and/or spiritual direction received from my Higher Power
  4. Authenticity: celebrate the unique truth of who I am—who God made me—which is immutable and not dependent upon any person, upbringing, circumstance, or experience. Speak the truth about my experiences.
  5. Patience: I gift myself the permission of time. Time to learn, to grow, to grieve, to become
  6. Kindness: be gentle with myself, treat and talk to myself with care and tenderness; replace critical self-talk with supportive, nurturing, uplifting self-talk. Applaud my unique giftings and opportunities.
  7. Courage: set healthy boundaries, speak out against unfairness, speak uncomfortable truths, and push past comfort zones
  8. Hope: expect positive outcomes with confidence
  9. Forgiveness (Mercy): remember that I am human and will make mistakes, even mistakes with significant consequences. However, the mistake does not change my inherent value as a human being. Learn from and atone for the mistake and choose differently in the future.
  10. Curiosity: use adversity to learn more about myself, explore new ways to grow and develop beyond my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual comfort zones. (Huh, I didn’t know I had that in me!”)
  11. Persistence: if at first I don’t succeed, I give myself permission to try again
  12. Honor: I accept and admire myself, just as I am 

OVERCOME SHAME

SHAME:

Shame is an intensely painful feeling or experience of:

  1. believing that we (the person, not our actions or experiences) are a mistake or
  2. believing that something is wrong with us and
  3. therefore, unworthy of acceptance, belonging, and love.

That’s the lie that we are uprooting. Research shows that shame experiences lie at the root of mental, emotional, and behavioral health challenges; substance abuse and misuse challenges (including alcoholism); and suicide ideation. Our philosophy is kill the root, kill the weed. The exterminator is LOVE!